| Friday, November 04, 2005 |
| Ode to the Blonde Joke |
I'm blonde, naturally so. Or at least I was at one point. It's been blonde all my life, but I've taken to streaking and dyeing (um, sorry colored it) to different shades. Once dyed my hair black, but that's digressing. Oh, and once had it pink. Was supposed to be Manic Panic's Blood Red, but turned out Hot Pink, which is how the black came about. Goth to the extreme.
Now, were was I? Oh yeah, the blonde joke. Being blonde...oh, did you know I'm also prone to blushing. Kind of goes along with the complexion and blonde/blue eyes thing. Kids in school used to just point on me and say something and I'd blush. Couldn't help it. One boy in particular did this on a daily basis. Hmm. What was I talking about?
Oh, yeah, the blonde jokes. Being blonde...though, my roots are tending to look darker than the white blonde of youth. Maybe I should let it be? Naw. The sun usually bleaches me out in the summer anyway.
So, anyway, being blonde. Sorry, didn't mean to digress so much.
Being blonde people tend to send me a lot of blonde jokes, or tell them to me. Do these get told to everyone or is it because I'm blonde they think I'll enjoy the antics of my fellow blonde sisters? I mean, we all know it takes fourteen of us to screw in a lightbulb. Good thing I got married. That whole turning thing was confusing. I mean, standing on the ladder, twisting your arm. Talk about a waste of time. The poor Pollocks are the only other people who will sympathize with this. They're second in line for the most jokes told about them. Or maybe it's because I'm not Polish that I don't hear their jokes. Do people tailor jokes to the person?
So why this ode to the blonde joke? Simple. I think they're funny. So, here's the latest addition to my collection. Know any jokes? Feel free to post.
The redhead went to the doctor with pain every where. She was on the table waiting for the doctor to come in when she touched her leg and screamed.
The doctor rushed in and said "What's wrong."
The redhead says everywhere I touch hurts so bad."
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."
Have a great day everyone!
Michelle the Blonde
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posted by Michelle Pillow @ 8:08 AM   |
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The Blond Year In Review
January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter.
March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years."
April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.
June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.
August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.
September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C."
October - Hates M & M's because they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120.
December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.
REMEMBER THAT REDHEADS ARE BLONDES LEFT OUT IN THE RAIN TO RUST
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The Blond Year In Review
January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter.
March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years."
April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.
June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.
August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.
September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C."
October - Hates M & M's because they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120.
December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.
REMEMBER THAT REDHEADS ARE BLONDES LEFT OUT IN THE RAIN TO RUST